Blockbuster online, whom I feel like I am in a relationship with, has found this inconspicuous way of revealing the guilty acts of Friday night relaxers. Everyone has those few nights each month where they stay in and enjoy some alone time with their favorite actor, a package of Pepperidge Farm snacks, and a bottle of wine. I covet these nights in which I can, without shame or explanation needed, watch those movies that you will deny your interest in with the fervor of Judas. You know what movies I’m talking about. The new Eddie Murphy fat suit movie, Jackass 2, John Tucker Must Die. I know with confidence that Zoey will not tell my dirty little secret that I watched She’s the Man to anyone except her little pink pompom toys or the monster under the couch that she continuously meows at. There are some movies that are so horrible that you won’t even rent them from the store in fear of the weighing judgment that will rain down on you from the Blockbuster employee as you attempt to avoid eye contact while renting Raise your Voice. Then someone introduces you to BB online, and its love at first sight. All the movie you could want and you don’t even have to leave the house in your oversized Myrtle Beach crew neck sweatshirt.
But as I was filling up my query today with more movies for my new boyfriend (we’ll call him Sam) to mail to me, I discovered that Sam was telling my secrets. American’s secrets. There, right under the new releases; Top 100 online rentals. I click. There are the typical Oscar winners at the top as everyone attempts to gobble up what the Academy says is the best. But as I scroll I see the first of the unknowing victims. Position #8: Click. #13 Fun with Dick and Jane #18 the longest yard #24 RV. There they were, let lose over the blackmail powers of the Internet; America’s guilty pleasures (which, apparently, includes fantasies of Adam Sandler, Jim Carey, and Robin Williams). I have been betrayed by the one I love. But, as all relationships go, there is the grace period. Luck for Sam, we have only been seeing each other for a few weeks and have yet to get serious. I let It slide as a brink in judgment on the part of BB management. Or maybe Sam just wants me to see that I am not alone; there are others with the same mindless interest in bad movies as me. And, with that, I add Just Friends to my query.